Once again after a long weekend of intensified self examination, I came to the decisive conclusion that my soul ached so wrathfully for. It was a moment that I just stopped everything I was doing, thinking, and trying to find, and I just knew what comes next. Ripostes… The answers was not far. It was there all along. I had it within me, but out of distressing fear for the truth, I enclosed it.
Taking of the mask that covers our fears, is sometimes not easy, especially if you yourself did not realise that you had it on. I thought I could be the person I used to be, or the person I lost to be many years back, but why? Why did I want to be that person if I have gained so much more experience out of life, that I can be an even better person than in the past? Yes I’ve seen bad things. I’ve done wrong things, but I have learned so much out of everything, that I can be a remarkable new person, that can stretch for and achieve greatness. I’ve grown, I have developed, I found strength that no one else could find. I climbed a mountain of inner emotions and I have rivalled against forces within. The outcome, a man of veracity. A man that can stand on his own not being upheld by the false pivotal edifices that this world pushes in from beneath.
I have realised today that you should be the person that you want to be, and that you should not have to explain yourself to anyone within this world. If what you believe in and feel like being, is honourable and not out of line to humanity, then you have the right to follow the path that you dream off. Don’t become so afraid of living that you only take on some of your dreams and tells yourself the rest is not destined for you, because how will you know if you’ve never even tried. As I am actually answering myself here, I dearly hope that I am also giving answers to another out there. I know that sometimes it can be lonely living with a mask on your face. A mask that can hide your emotions and the real you. The saddest thing of all, is that we ourselves decides to put these masks on. We are the ones that want to hide and it is all due to fear. Fear of our own dreams, our own capabilities, and most of all our own desires.
I had a fear in me of something. I knew the fear. I’ve fed the fear with my lack of controlling it. I can name it now and I am not ashamed to. I feared that I was not good enough. I feared that I was not good enough to stand next to another in this world. Why? I don’t know. I think that the fear became a reality when I mentioned my fear to a friend. It became even more clearer to me when I started writing about it, and read my own words back to myself.
I really hope that one day, someone in need of answers like me, would read my words and find the answers they also longed to find from within. Never stop believing in yourself. Never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, even if it is your inner conscious that speaks. Some adroit people used to say that you should always listen to that little voice in your head and that it is always right. My conclusion is that if you have fear in you, that little voice in your head, might also be speaking out of fear and you will be deemed to become weak. Don’t be afraid to just sometimes tell that little voice your insight of life. If the voice tells you that you can not do it, show that you can. If that voice tells you that you are not good enough, lift up your chin and take the first step back into this world.
Remember one thing, and even if it is the only thing you remember, that will be enough to help you through. If you yourself don’t think you are good enough, how do you expect the world to think you are good enough…